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anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:35]
“In the dry (“noneffusive”) form, there is little if any fluid accumulation. Instead, cats with this form of the disease may have clinical signs typically associated with impairment affecting an internal organ or system, such as kidney or liver failure, neurologic dysfunction, and ocular disease. ”

>, [26.10.15 11:35]
Quatloo?

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:35]
I think Quatloo has FIP/coronavirus, and gave it to Rico, Rico developed the Wet form and died, Quatloo is just a carrier.

>, [26.10.15 11:35]
Oh my god

>, [26.10.15 11:36]
She has all of those things.

>, [26.10.15 11:39]
That should mean it’s mutated in her, though. Shouldn’t she be dead?

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:39]
Cats can go into remission if they have the dry form and are lucky.

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:40]
But they’re still carriers.

>, [26.10.15 11:40]
Lucky.

>, [26.10.15 11:43]
The ophthalmologist thought it was genetic, but maybe he just wasn’t considering this possibility. Maybe you can’t tell the difference.

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:45]
This is an extremely rare scenario.

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:46]
Cats usually get FIP around or before age 2.

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:46]
Or while elderly.

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:46]
Not at 6.

>, [26.10.15 11:46]
So it’s possible that it mutated in Quatloo and then transferred to Rico?

anteater blue, [26.10.15 11:46]
Yes. That’s my conclusion.

I had a really vivid dream that I was with the homeworld gems on the mothership en route to earth for the first time. The ship was large and round, and powered by vocalizing/singing. The interior had stations arranged by color, and we were all wearing flight suits that were grey with highlights in our gem’s color. Mine was green or yellow, pretty close to Peridot, and I was talking to (a) Pearl while we were off-duty, and I remember thinking so strongly that she was weak and stupid. (Consciously, I like Pearl a lot, so I don’t know where this was coming from.) Am… I Peridot?

I just had to force myself awake from a dream because people close to me kept dying in it. I was staying at a nonexistant cousin’s house in Connecticut, on my way to get to a actually-existing friend’s place to stay for a while. I was on a large piece of property and there were horses and cows. While helping groom one of the animals, I got the call that my uncle Jimmy (who I don’t know very well) died of an overdose. He’s an older burnt out musician, and while I don’t know him very well, I was still upset, because I feel like my brother is following in his footsteps, and I started wondering if someday I’d get that call about him too. I was chatting with the friend that I was planning to go see on my phone, and then I got a message saying my husband had died in a plane crash. That’s when I started panicking – physically panicking, both in my dream and in my actual body. I started running around the property trying to find my car so I could get to my friend’s house and be “safe”, sweating and heart pounding. I started driving through this little town, and it was really sketchy. There were gangs on the streets flashing guns and everything was really run-down. Then I got a phonecall saying my dad had died, and I lost it. When I started panicking in my dream and feeling the physical effects, I knew I was dreaming. So stopped the car, and texted my friend, saying I wouldn’t be coming. As I sat there trying to focus and break out of the dream, I started getting attacked by massive insects/arachnids. As a huge blue spiderlike beast opened and extended its large chelicerae towards my face, I cracked awake and bolted out of bed.

Today I was prescribed vicodin, and for the first time in years, I am free of back and joint pain, and I feel wonderful. I feel like maybe, just maybe, I can make something of my life now.

I also found out that I may have breast cancer, and I don’t even care. I’m not going to worry about it until I find out one way or the other. I want my breasts removed anyway. It honestly wouldn’t surprise me if I had it, given my family history, the lumps I have, my history of smoking, and the pain that I can’t currently feel thanks to the vicodin. We’ll see what happens.

Yesterday was my brother’s birthday get together. It was just him, my parents, and us. They had cake, and I had a little ice cream. I didn’t have any money to get him anything, so I packed up a bunch of japanese candy I had sitting around and gave it to him. It was quiet and uneventful, so pretty nice. We also checked out my parents new car, and on our way back up to the house from the driveway, my mom let me in on a secret – they’re doing a private breeding of her dog’s parents, for friends and family.

I would love to have a collie again, but I’m not sure I’ll be ready in January when the puppies are ready. Maybe if something happens with the rheumatologist next week – who knows, maybe the Humira will be a wonder drug and I’ll be pain free and able to take care of a dog. It would be nice.

Stefan has come around on leaving his job to move to Florida. He’s not happy with the direction the company is heading in. I’m ready to leave here tomorrow. We’ll look at apartments when we go down for our anniversary, most likely.

The kitten is laying on me and making it hard to type, so I’ll cut this short.
photo_2015-09-25_05-20-20

Again I’m woken up by searing back pain after only a few hours of sleep. I wish they would give me a painkiller that lasted through the night. The little kitten, Zephram, came in to check on me. I guess he heard me writhing around trying to get up. Yesterday, I was woken up by a migraine, which was triggered by the buzzing/flying wings on the Buggie avatar on Furcadia. I had to give it away and then patch over the file so I can’t view it at all. What a waste of money. And a disappointment, because it’s a cute little feral bug, and sort of looks like an isopod when not in flying mode. Whatever. I just wish I had thought to ask for a refund before giving it away, but I was frustrated, and not thinking clearly.

I don’t remember what it’s like to have a head that isn’t clouded by some form of pain. I can’t even list all the parts of my body that hurt right now. All I want is a painkiller that lasts for more than a couple of hours. When I take too much Tramadol, I puke. I am tired of puking regularly.

On a lighter note, I’m very excited for halloween, and have been for the last few weeks. I really have no idea why. I think I just want it to be cool and crisp, so I can wear my hoodies without overheating. As of a couple days ago, now I also have a trip to Florida to look forward to. It’s only for the weekend of Halloween, but it’s still something. It’s always grounding to see the ocean. It makes me feel like I’m at home. The dolphin in me desperately wants to drift out until I can’t see the shore… but the human in me knows what’s in the ocean and is terrified to go in more than ankle-deep.

Zephram is attacking my computer cable, so I think now is a good point to stop writing and give him some attention.

In closing, I leave you with this sequence.
photo_2015-09-23_21-31-02
photo_2015-09-23_21-30-34

Before waking up with searing back pain, I dreamed that I was recording a video journal. I decided that at least for now, I will try to journal again. I’m not going to bother telling my prior “story”, I’m just going to start where I am now. I will write a little introduction.

My chosen name is Felix Anton [Last name not comfortable putting here at this point]. I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, PTSD, and generalized anxiety disorder, and something else that’s currently undetermined, but probably either lupus or rheumatoid arthritis (I am seeing a specialist). I am transgenderish. I am in physical pain all the time, and mental pain most of the time. I am 27 years old and married. I escape through the internet most of the time. I am a furry who is uncomfortable with being called a furry. I love animals and would like to someday be a marine biologist or animal psychologist, and I plan to move to Florida from Pittsburgh later this year to start working on that. I currently have four cats: Quatloo, who is blind, Quark, who is fat, Honey, who has a snaggletooth, and Zephram, who is a kitten. I also have two rats, a corn snake, a leopard gecko, and two fish.

My favorite thing in the world is going to get bubble tea at InsaniTea in the Monroeville mall. Willian and Sara are great people and I’ll be very sad when we move to Florida and won’t be able to see them anymore. They have a painting of mine hanging in their shop – I draw and paint, mostly animals and animal people. The painting I did for them is of a cat drinking bubble tea.

Quark is acting out because he wants treats. He’s chewing/destroying everything he can find. I just pulled a length of string from a halloween decoration out of his throat.

I don’t know if I’ll have the energy to keep up a journal, but I’m going to try. God knows I have nothing else going on. Either way, I’ve written something for today, and now my brain is starting to turn into mush, so I’ll stop. Hello, goodbye.

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